I always knew God. I knew that He was close to me, but I kept Him at a distance because I thought He was boring. I also knew that I could hear Him – well, not exactly hear Him, but I knew what He was saying within my heart. I ignored Him for most of my life. I knew that He was calling me but I did not want to know.
In 1986, I began to answer the calls, but only because times were hard and I needed Him. He came to my assistance in an unusual way. I had a car accident. At this time he showed me many things. I was in intensive care and very seriously ill. The doctors gave me twenty-four hours to live, but I pulled through, much to their amazement. While still in intensive care and very ill, I felt a great pain flow through my body.
My mother was at my bedside. She told me later that she thought that I was dying at that moment, but a great peace surrounded both of us.
I remember telling her to pray. Then I saw what looked like a veil opening in front of my eyes. Suddenly, I was looking from a great height. I could see my mother and myself below. I could see myself in pain and I could also feel the pain that was in my body. A voice – which came from behind me – said, "Prayer and pain releases souls." I saw what seemed like a cloud in a valley between two mountains. The mountains were like red clay. At the end of the valley there was a wall and behind it was a town with dome-shaped houses and these too were of red clay. The town looked bleak and dismal.
Pieces of the cloud began to break off and float upwards. I could see it was the prayer and the pain that was responsible for this. I felt a feeling of great joy at the sight of it.
I followed the pieces of cloud upwards and they went towards a set of golden gates. I could see inside these a little way. I saw great golden fans that blocked my view and I know that I was not allowed to see further. I realised that the clouds that I had seen were souls being released from purgatory.
The person, who was behind me said, "All will be revealed to you when you reach this point." Jesus told me later that this ‘person’ or ‘voice’ was my Guardian Angel. The ‘point’ that Nathaniel (my Angel’s name) was speaking about was the point of entry into the Kingdom of God.
I was shown many things at this time, but these would be too numerous to mention here. I was told to tell all people to say the Rosary for peace and unity in the world and for the happy repose of souls. I was also told that I would recover soon.
The following day I was taken out of intensive care. Eight days later I was out of hospital, much to the amazement of the doctors and everyone else.
All things began to get better in my life and I went back to work. The money was good, all the bills went and so did God. I had no time for Him, once again. I suppose that this is the way of the world; when we are in trouble we want Gods help. He does help and all things go well; then He begins to get in the way. This is the way it happened with me. I would take ‘holy fits,’ now and again; I would say my prayers and go to Mass. Most times I did not even want to go to Mass, I was too busy living. Going to Mass and saying prayers did not really fit because it made me feel guilty. I knew that I was not doing right by Jesus. I knew that He was still calling.
I liked to hear about various Messages from around the world especially if they were about the chastisements. The harsher the better, but still I did not change my life. I went on.
One day I was passing the Chapel in my hometown and I went in. To this day I do not know why. I went in, walked up to the Altar of Our Lady and sat down. I knew that Jesus was there. I said to Him, "I haven’t said the Rosary in years, but I’ll have a go anyway." I knew that there was one Our Father, ten Hail Marys and one Glory be to the Father. I could not remember the Mysteries so I said to Jesus, "You do the Mysteries and I will say the prayers," and this is what We did.
As I was coming out of the Chapel, I found a leaflet about the Divine Mercy and took it with me. I asked my wife, Pauline, to read it to me, as I have Dyslexia and do not read or write well. I was very interested in the contents of the leaflet. I went to the Chapel again the next day and said the Chaplet of Divine Mercy from the leaflet. Then I discovered a leaflet about the Rosary on the seat next to me. Jesus was leaving nothing to chance. He began to teach me about Himself and His Mother. He placed a great hunger in me for Himself that could not be satisfied. There is a saying about people "eating the altar rails." I would have eaten the rails, the altar and all!
I loved Jesus and Mary so much that all I wanted to do was spend time in the Chapel at every service that was going. I went there every evening after work. This went on for about five months. Then the longing left, all was gone. I knew that Jesus was telling me that He had helped me but now to see what I could do by myself.
The search for Him began. I got Messages from all over the world. I listened to every religious tape I could find over and over again. I went to Mount Mellory in Ireland more than twenty times. Everyone was seeing different things there but I saw nothing spiritual but I always felt great peace there. My consolation was a great love for the Rosary. I said it at every opportunity, before work, at lunchtime and in the evenings. It was a refuge that Our Lady had given to me. Thank You, Mary, for this beautiful gift.
I found a great love for the Messages that Jesus and Mary gave through an Irish Visionary. Through this association I met two beautiful people. They helped me so much that I could see the love they had for God. They gave me many leaflets and prayers to distribute and promote. This was the beginning of my wanting to work for God. One of these ladies gave me thousands of leaflets, medals and tapes to distribute. I found a small satisfaction in my hunger by doing this. I thank Jesus for these two ladies. May Jesus bless them and their families for the good that they did for me and many others.
I did this work for a long time but I could not find what I had in those previous five months. One night I went to Kilnacrott Abbey in County Cavan to do an all night vigil there. A friend called Kevin Quinn introduced me to Patrick Rushe. Patrick was receiving Messages. I said to him that I would like to talk to him but something strange happened. He walked one way and I walked the other. Neither of us knew why this happened but we have guessed that Jesus had something to do with it.
About a month later, I rang Kevin to get Patrick’s telephone number. When I rang him we spoke for about two and a half hours. We arranged to meet the next day. Patrick had no transport and had no way of spreading the Messages. I offered my help and we began going to prayer meetings where Patrick would speak. I was quite happy to drive and spread the Messages. I had no way of knowing but it had begun.
Jesus had begun to speak to me through Patrick and He asked me to speak words of prophecy. I did not want to do this but Jesus kept asking. I was afraid but finally I said yes. I was afraid of my own humanness and that I would mislead His people. Jesus spoke with great gentleness and patience to His children and, always, the words were about His great Love. I felt all right about this. One night, Jesus asked me to speak at a meeting. I nearly had a heart attack! I would not know what to say. But Jesus assured me that it would be Him who would do the speaking. They would be His Words and not mine.
I spoke for the first time and, to my surprise, the words just flowed from me. Although my mind was blank, Words were coming from me; I was saying things that I know that I did not learn. I began to trust Jesus and I began to feel comfortable with what I was doing. But I still had to learn that Jesus never gives up.
Jesus asked me to write His Words. I did not want this. Enough was enough. As I said earlier I have Dyslexia and I find difficulty in reading and writing. Jesus explained in a Message to both of us. He said He had placed a `jewel` in this world and His Work could not be done unless the two halves of the jewel were together, and His Light shinning through it. All we would have to do is say yes in our free will. He taught us that we, of ourselves, could not do anything for we are sinners, no different to anyone, in spite of the fact that Jesus was speaking to us. Jesus would do the talking. Thank You, Jesus, my Friend for all that You have done for us. I love You.
Jesus told me that He would help with my fears, and my reading and, most of all, my writing; and He did. I still have not found what I had in the earlier five months, and Jesus told me that I would have to go through this ‘darkness’ so that He could mould me into what He wants me to be. It is difficult at times, but with the help of Jesus and Patrick I keep going, for it is His Will and not mine.
Jesus Christ is ALL, and we are nothing but two sinners, whom Jesus wishes to use. Our lives are nothing, but to Jesus the lives of His children are everything.
I love You, Jesus, and I ask that You give me the grace to serve You, Your Mother and Your Church in truth, love, humility and obedience. Thank You, Jesus and Mary, for the Love You bestow upon us all. I love You.
About eighteen years ago, I began to experience what are termed ‘mystical experiences.’ I do not know how to describe these in words, as there are no created words that could describe something so beautiful that comes from God. I could try, by using such adjectives as ‘beautiful,’ ‘wonderful,’ but these words are insufficient, as a drop of water is in a vast ocean.
Just why Jesus should choose me to bestow these upon, I don’t know either. I am just an ordinary person who does ordinary things. I believe in Jesus Christ as a personal God, but I am more than content with what He has given to me in the Catholic Church, and I find great spiritual comfort in it.
These experiences that I speak of, have been described as ‘ Saint John of the Cross’ experiences. Saint John of the Cross was a Spanish ‘mystic’, who was a contemporary of the great Saint Teresa of Avila, who founded the discalced Carmelite Order. Saint Teresa is one of the great Doctors of the Church. God gave Saint John, many deep and mystical truths. He came to know God through the great darknesses in his life, which brought his soul fully into the Light of God, the Bridehood, union of the soul. He has written many books on the subject, such as ‘Dark Night of the Soul,’ and many poems of his longings for his ‘Beloved.’ The one that I feel best describes my own experiences is ‘ The Living Flame of Love.’
These experiences, which I am still having, are to do with the deep, inner things of the soul – things I know nothing about; but it seems that I am experiencing them. I did not go seeking these, but it appears that they have been placed within me – infused into me – for I have had no knowledge of these ‘hidden things’, until I began asking what was happening to me.
From about 1985 – 1991, I told no one about them because I could not put into words what went on deep within me. Then I told a local priest as these ‘touches’ of Jesus, or ecstasies, were becoming so strong and intense, that I thought many times that I was going to die in them. If you can imagine someone turning on a shower directly above your head and the water pouring, not only over your body, but completely filling your mind, will, intellect, and soul. I felt as though I was on fire, being totally consumed, burned, eaten up and deeply, deeply Loved.
The first time that this happened, it lasted approximately fifteen minutes. Since then, they can last anything from one hour to – as happened once – two weeks.
It would take too long to describe these ‘touches’ – as I call them – but each one is different. They come in different intensities. Some are so gentle that I hardly know that they are there, while others are strong, yet bearable; and again, others are so intense that I feel that my heart will explode, or that only death will relieve it. Jesus, in these ‘touches,’ invades me with something that I cannot relate to anyone. All I know is that He does not know when to stop.
These can also come in great longings for Jesus, when my soul thirsts for Him. Nothing upon this earth can satisfy these longings – nothing. These fill me, and are some how different from the ‘touches.’ They are compelling, like a pain or a thirst. All of these can come at any time. There is no warning, and I do not have to be at prayer. In the beginning, these longings came just before receiving the Eucharist, and I felt nothing could have stopped me from receiving Jesus.
After I had shared with my local curate, he advised me to seek spiritual guidance from someone with experience in these matters. As I was looking for this, I spoke to a Sister in the parish. She confirmed what I had been told, and I was bewildered by all of this.
The ‘communications’ with Jesus were not yet in Message form, only ‘touches,’ and I had no way of knowing what He wanted of me, if indeed anything.
My prayer life, at this stage, had developed and deepened and great urges at times overwhelmed me and called me to prayer. It was as though I was entirely wrapped in Jesus, and I felt a deep, intimate relationship with Him.
Prayer took on newness at this time. It seemed that, if I made any move to pray, Jesus took over. He called me into His world. Although I was still basically aware of what was going on around me, I was lost to this world. He was consuming me, instilling me with Love. I began my prayer with a simple ‘I love You, Jesus,’ and I was enveloped by Him.
I asked the Sister’s advice because I could not pray vocally and, up to this point, I believed that vocal prayer was prayer. She advised me to read Scripture, as it was a form of prayer. Then she said to read a passage and absorb it and, for about fifteen minutes, to do something else. After this, I was to return and write down any thoughts that I may have had.
I took this advice and tried it. For the first two days, it seemed to go the way Sister had said. On the third day the thoughts that I was writing down were coming like prophecy. I could not understand this, and I became afraid and stopped immediately. I did not feel comfortable.
About a week or so later, I spoke with the nun again and told her my fears. I showed her the writings, and she told me not to be afraid, and to carry on. I then remembered that, during a ‘touch’ about a year before this, I had, had a great urge to write. It was compelling me to write, even though I tried to ignore it and push it away. I finally had to do it. When it was written, I did not look at it. I went and hid it. I did not know what to do. This was the beginning of the Messages, and many people might think that they would be delighted to be in this position. It did not affect me in this way. I was uncomfortable with it. When I began to realise that they were communications from Jesus, I could not believe it, and I began to ask Him to remove it, because I was afraid. I had great doubts. I do not, for one moment, doubt the power of God, but I doubted my own capability.
From there, I moved on through two Spiritual Directors, hoping that one of them would tell me it was wrong. They gave me tremendous help.
The Messages continued, and about one and half to two years later, the Director of this time gave me leave to speak openly about the Messages, and share them. Except through friends, I did not know how to begin to do what Jesus was asking in the Messages.
One night, I went to Kilnacrott Abbey, County Cavan, to do an all-night vigil there. I met with a man who was promoting devotional medals. I did not realise that he was also called very deeply by Jesus, and that the Lord had great plans for him also. We did not speak at length, and it was a month later when he telephoned me to find out more about the Messages of Love. The man’s name was Patrick O’Kane.
We spoke for about two hours on the telephone, and arranged to meet a few days later. We met and talked for a long time about the Messages and Patrick told me that he would offer his car to drive me to any meeting, anywhere. I could not believe his great generosity and should have known that the Lord Jesus had His Hand in everything.
We soon became great friends and together we went to many prayer meetings at which I’d been invited to speak, not realising that Jesus had also called Patrick to be an equal part of the Messages.
Jesus told me one night in a Message that He wanted Patrick to begin to speak at prayer meetings. His reaction to this was fear. But he obeyed what Jesus had said, and began to speak, not only at meetings, but Jesus also gave him the Gift of Prophesy. This was met with bewilderment.
Since that time, the Lord had also spoken through Patrick in many beautiful Messages but, in his humility, he did not want this known publicly. But Jesus has made it clear to us that He wants it made public now, as He has said ‘It is time.’
The Ways of Jesus Christ are not our ways. He has told us in many teachings that He, Himself, has brought us together in this mission at different times in our development towards Him, so that we could learn from each other, as well as from Him.
He has described us as two halves of a jewel. It is only when we are one that His Light can shine through us – for anything we do is done in Jesus, for Jesus, and through Jesus.
The Messages of Love are an ‘Invitation to Love Jesus’ – the Love of His Most Sacred Heart, as given by Him through His Dove, Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque, contained, once more, for our time, in these pages. It is a Love that endures much Pain through Loving us.
The Writings of Jesus are full of great Tenderness and Love. He is calling us to His Side. He challenges us to be the people that we say we are. He speaks often of His beloved Church and He calls us back to the Sacraments where His Love is made manifest to us.
Do not just read these Messages, live them.